My only son is 27 and we were close when he was younger. I had another son but he died years ago when my son was a toddler and I divorced my sons father, who was a waste of space about ten years ago. My son was still living at home when I got the divorce and it was a very upsetting time for me, but when my son left home to go to university in another city a few hundred miles away I was devastated, I felt like everyone I loved was slipping away and felt very alone. I wanted my son to visit me as much as possible which he has over the years, although I wished he had visited more often because I’m his mother and he should make time for me. We got into fights from time to time because he didnt come home as often as I would have liked and I wouldn’t speak to him for a while but we always made things up.
Anyway, a few years ago he met this girl and everything in my relationship with my son has changed because of her. They’d only been together a couple of months and she was already monopolising my son’s time, she wanted him to spend New Years with her although my son was coming home for Christmas but he always spent the holidays with me before and I’m his family, not her.
They moved in to a house together after about a year of being together. I tried my best to help them both out, tried to get their house and garden in order and brought some things down for them to use in the house. I’ve always been very generous with my son and his girlfriend but she never seems to appreciate anything I do and encouraged my son to do the same no doubt. I went down to visit them just after they moved in together to spend my son’s birthday with him and to help them get the house in order, but she made me feel so unwelcome I ended up going home after a week, earlier than I planned. My son didn’t defend me whilst this was going on, he kept saying it was her house as well as his- I’m his mother though, he should stick up for me and not allow this girl to treat me the horrible way she has. My son kept telling me I had to follow rules, and told me I had to say how long I wanted to stay for when I go down there, I disagreed, I believe that as family I should be able to stay with my son for as long as I like.
I really tried to make the effort for a while as my son seems happy with this woman and I went down there quite often for visits and me and his partner seemed to be getting on great. However last year, things came to blows with his girlfriend when I was staying down there for his birthday. The madam blew up one day and stormed out of my son’s house, slamming doors and throwing a tantrum, and then my son sat me down and told me it was because I was being overbearing. Apparently she didn’t like it when I went into their room to vacuum the carpets one day when they were out at work, and she didn’t like me tidying out their kitchen cupboards for them. My son seemed to go along with this crap and I told him I was going home, I’m not going to stay somewhere I’m not welcome. His girlfriend came back as I was packing my bags to leave and I gave her what for and lost my temper, I was so angry. I told her I wasn’t going to see my son for a long time because of her and I also asked my son if he was being controlled by her because he seems to listen to everything she says. I told him, he’s got to live with her, not me and I left their house and went home.
It’s been almost a year since that happened and my son has cut me off, no doubt because of her. He hasn’t contacted me at all, I didn’t even get a card at Christmas, my birthday, Mother’s Day and I’ve been trying to call him since before Easter but he doesn’t pick up my calls and refuses to respond to me.
I don’t know what to do, I’m so hurt. I miss my son and I think she has a problem with me and has driven a wedge between my son and I. I’ve done so much for them both and it feels like a slap in the face.