Hello, now where do I begin. Okay first off, I guess it began when I was 11. I had a lot of friends during Primary School, but before I went onto a website where I managed to make a small group of friends- Now I was 11 and very young and naive. I kept lying in order to gain attention from these new friends and in the end they caught on and just told me to not hang out with them any more.
I complied, however one of them who was younger than me joined me. He was named ‘Elliot’ and we soon became best friends by this point I was in Year 8 and I wasn’t really sure whether I would class people in my school as friends, I’m a very sensitive person and the jokes they said about me, hurt. But during the summer holidays, me and Elliott began going onto a Minecraft server.
We met two people, Abi and Adam. Once again I was still young and naive and after many arguments between me and Adam they both became fed up and left me. Elliott also left me as I didn’t treat him well either.
So now, all I had was my real-life friends who I still wasn’t sure whether I liked or not. But then I met two more friends online they were boyfriend and girlfriend and they also had a brother and another friend. Currently I’m friends with all of them, but since I play with them all the time my real-life friends have become more demanding and taunt me for interaction with them.
I find some traits of my new friends annoying, such as them always wanting me to be online and talk to them and how they’re eager to meet me in real life- However I find myself in the positon that I could easily just leave my new friends behind, but not to play with my real life friends (who I’m still un-sure I’m even liking at the minute).
I could anonymously play on a gaming PC, with a new identity (including new name, etc.) but at the same time I don’t like the thought of being alone. But that’s not the major problem is.
The main problem is my psycholigical state that has been causing all these events, one minute I hate school and detest it as one of the worst things society has managed to pull out of it’s a** however the next minute, I love it and find it a great place to learn yet I dislike the people there. Then I noticed a pattern, the same thing happens with books, video games, and eventually people. I can’t tell whether I truly dislike someone or I actually like them.
I can’t tell whether or not I’m an attention-seeker or I have some sort of psychological disorder, I never manage to keep that many friends for a very long time and honestly I have no idea what’s wrong with me. Can someone please help me?